|
Narrator I
Narrator 2
Narrator 1
Dracula A
Narrator 1
Narrator 2
Toothseller
Dracula B
Toothseller
Dracula B
Toothseller
Dracula B
Toothseller
Dracula B
Toothseller
Dracula B
Toothseller
Dracula B
Toothseller
Narrator I
Toothseller
Toothseller
Dracula B
Woman
Narrator 1
Lurch
Man
Lurch
Woman
Lurch
Man
Lurch
Man
Lurch
Woman
Lurch
Dracula C
Man
Dracula C
Woman
Dracula C
Woman
Man
Dracula C
Woman
Dracula C
Woman
Dracula C
Man
Dracula C
Woman
Dracula C
Woman
Dracula C
Man
Woman
Woman
Dracula C
|
I’d like to tell you
all a tale
of blood, some guts
and gore.
Please tell me if
you wish to leave;
it’s gruesome,
please be sure,
for it’s the tale of
Dracula.
He causes ladies
grief
by giving them a
winning smile,
then sinking in his
teeth.
We go to
Transylvania;
there, deep within
the gloom,
we see a coffin made
of wood:
it’s Dracula’s bedroom.
Can you see his
body,
that is lying in
repose?
A very dapper
vampire,
well dressed from
head to toes.
DRACULA SITS UP AND YAWNS.
I’m waking from a
deepest sleep;
it always makes me
yawn.
I have to keep out
of the sun;
I really hate the
dawn.
People say I’m
really cruel,
but that’s just
their belief;
it’s just that I’ve
got red eyes
and very pointed
teeth.
So now it’s time to
seek my prey:
the villagers aren’t
brave.
But first, before I
seek my lunch,
I think I’ll have a
shave.
HE CROSSES TO THE MIRROR
I look within this
mirror here;
my fangs are at the
front,
Oh no! I can’t believe my eyes;
it seems they have
gone blunt.
Lurch, I need
you. Please come here!
EXIT DENTIST
So Dracula sets off
at once,
arrives outside a
door.
He rings a bell,
then knocks as well – he was just making sure.
For the night was
slipping by
and Count Dracula
could see
that if his teeth
weren’t sorted out
he’d not get any
tea.
DOOR OPENS
Hello, dear sir, you
rang my bell, though it is very late at night.
I need your help at
once, my friend.
Then come into the
light.
I need you to
restore my teeth,
for they have been
ground down.
As Dracula I have to
have
the sharpest teeth
in town.
Well, certainly a
challenge then.
Let’s see what you
can bite. We’ll start with fruit and quite soft things.
Please finish this
tonight,
for soon I have to
prowl the land
before the sun does
rise.
I can’t miss out on
mealtimes;
that’s never very
wise.
Bite on this.
The softest peach?
I see your bite is
shallow.
At this rate all I
will consume
might be a pink
marshmallow.
You need dentures,
that is plain.
Now, that’s a good
idea.
I think I’ve got the
teeth for you;
though now I’ve made
it clear
you have to take care of your teeth
and clean them every
night.
Please listen to
this, children,
for his advice is
right.
Dracula, please take
your time.
Just come and see
the choice.
They’ll give you
back a winning smile
and modulate your voice.
(BRINGS OUT THREE SETS OF RIDICULOUS TEETH)
These are the
cheapest that I sell;
they’re made of
solid rubber.
They’re no use, for
I can see,
they wouldn’t bite
through blubber.
We need somewhere to
rest.
Have you got a bed
to spare?
I hope she speaks in
jest.
Of course you can
just shelter here.
The weather is quite
dire.
Come and stand
beside the hearth
and dry off by the
fire.
Perhaps you’ll call
a taxi, please?
The phone, I think,
is dead.
Oh, then, what can
we do tonight?
You can stay here
instead.
That’s very kind.
Don’t mention it.
My master thinks it
best
to offer up a
welcome
to the unexpected
guest.
We broke down some
time ago.
Oh, never trust a
car!
Who is the man we
have to thank?
Why, good Count
Dracula.
ENTER DRACULA
Welcome, both, to
this my house;
you must stay here
tonight.
Oh no, we couldn’t
trouble you.
I’m here to cure
your plight.
It’s much too dark
to walk that path;
the rain is falling
still.
You’ll enjoy the
evening here.
Thanks, I’m sure I
will.
So when tomorrow
morning dawns,
I’ll fix your broken
car.
Heading home from
here tonight
is really much too
far.
I know that you will
feel at home;
I’ll give you
dinner, too,
Take a choice from
this menu;
fill your stomachs,
so!
I only ask that when
you eat
your salmon, trifle,
cake.
Please do not
mention meat to me,
especially rare
steak.
I’m tired, I think
I’ll go to bed.
A good idea, I
think.
You haven’t eaten
much tonight,
not even had a
drink.
Please don’t worry,
gentle Count,
the food was very
good.
I know that I will
also feast;
I feel it in my
blood.
I’ll try the teeth I
bought today;
with necks that I
must bite.
Then I will turn into
a bat
and vanish in the
night.
I can’t just stop my
liquid diet.
I have to be quite
wary,
Changing my
nutrition,
to me that is scary.
But surely you could
fly away
to find your blood
elsewhere?
Of course I could,
but I don’t see
why you should have
to care
about your welfare
when I have
you helpless on the
bed.
I think that you
should listen
to what my wife has
said.
I need to try out my
new teeth,
for it’s the bite I
lack.
If they’re no good,
you can be sure
that I will take
them back.
Have you thought of
normal food?
Of blood you’ll
surely tire.
Will you listen one
last time?
I am a grown
vampire?
But if you change
your diet now, keep your blood lust in check,
you’ll get your full
nutrition
without biting a
neck.
Perhaps I will. It is a thought,
for I’d like to be
kind.
I’m sure the other
vampires
wouldn’t really
mind.
Vegetables, not ever
meat.
SHE
TAKES A CARROT OUT OF HER BAG AND OFFERS IT TO DRACULA.
Just those would be
a start.
I will, but don’t
ever serve
red meat, a steak or
heart.
I think you have
convinced me
to give biting a
rest;
but I can see that
every meal
will give me quite a
test.
Indeed, I think I’ll
set you free,
then try out my new
diet.
I’ll switch to all
the normal food
if it will keep you
quiet.
HE EATS THE CARROT.
|
|
Dracula A
Lurch
Dracula A
Narrator I
Dentist
Dracula A
Narrator 2
Dentist
Dracula A
Dentist
Dracula A
Dentist
Dracula A
Dentist
Dracula A
Dentist
Toothseller
Dracula B
Toothseller
Dracula B
Narrator 2
Dracula B
Narrator I
Narrator 2
Man
Woman
Man
Woman
Man
Woman
Narrator I
Man
Woman
Narrator 2
Man
Woman
Narrator 1
Narrator 2
Lurch
Man
Narrator 1
Narrator 2
Man
Woman
Man
Narrator I
Narrator 2
Dracula C
Man
Dracula
Woman
Dracula C
Woman
Dracula C
Narrator I
Narrator 2
|
Lurch, a dentist I
must see.
Please ring for an
appointment.
What now?
Yes, immediately.
So off he goes into
the town.
He dresses in his
cloak.
He goes to see the
dentist:
a very pleasant
bloke.
Come in Count. Sit
in this chair.
This is a strange
surprise.
How is it that I can
help you?
My teeth are blunt.
He cries.
Your teeth are
blunt? How can that be?
For eating’s not a
game.
I know that now, you
silly man!
There’s something
else to blame.
Are you really sure,
dear Count,
that your diet has
been good?
Of course it has,
you silly man!
I’ve only eaten
blood.
I know that you’re a
vampire;
but I must make it
clear:
the diet you’ve been
following
has dulled your
teeth, I fear.
So tell me what I
have to do
to cause young
maidens grief.
For I can’t be a
vampire
if I have blunted
teeth.
Your life will be
quite pointless;
I’m sorry – that’s a
pun.
You´ll have to learn
to bite again.
Sign up for
“Chomping lessons!”
Are you a comedian?
No, I don’t do
impressions.
You need to see a
specialist;
he lives upon the
Heath.
He has a full
collection
of second-hand false
teeth.
What about these
plastic ones?
They’ll last at
least a year.
No, they’ll bend
when I bite necks.
They’re not for me,
I fear.
Well, what about
this final set?
The best that you
can buy.
They look more like
it, I confess.
Come, I’ll give them
a try.
So, the Count, with
dentures new,
knows it will take a
while.
To get used to these
brand new teeth,
at least he’s got
his smile.
These are
perfect! There’s no doubt
my teeth now feel
just right.
I hope that I will
have a chance
to try them out
tonight.
Now the Count is
very pleased,
let us switch our
story
back to the castle
on the hill;
I hope it’s not too
gory.
I see a couple
standing there;
their car has broken
down.
We need to find a
place to stay.
Yes, are we near a
town?
It doesn’t seem
there’s any place
to shelter from this
rain.
I tell you we will
never use
this Car Hire firm
again.
Oh look, a shining
light!
It’s glinting
through the trees.
I wonder if they’ll
shelter us?
They will if I say
“Please!”
So they go up to the
door;
the knocker’s like a
bat.
What a very weird
design!
I don’t think much
of that!
They knock but once,
they knock but twice.
Please open up this
door.
We need to shelter
from the storm.
I hope that you are
sure!
For when the door is
opened wide
a butler’s standing
there.
Tall of leg, with
mournful face,
with very little
hair.
My name is Lurch,
I’m butler here.
I work from early
dawn.
Dusting, cleaning,
catering,
then tidying the
lawn.
You rang, dear sir?
Of course we did!
I hope they don’t
look funny.
Unless they’re
better than my fangs
I will have wasted
money.
So the couple go
upstairs;
a candle lights
their room.
It certainly is
difficult
to see through all
the gloom.
But the couple
cannot sleep;
they toss and turn
in bed.
Odd thoughts and visions fill their minds
and flit inside each
head.
Did you think it
rather strange
when we met him here
tonight?
He didn’t cast a
shadow
beyond the
candlelight.
I also thought his
face was pale,
no colour to his
skin.
Wasn’t it suspicious
how we were welcomed
in?
He said he didn’t
like the light.
The mirror did not
show
reflections of his
body shape.
I think that we
should go.
For now I see Count
Dracula
heading for their
bed.
They’ll wish they
had not stopped here,
gone somewhere else
instead.
I’m sorry but you
cannot leave.
I knew! I had a hunch.
I need your blood,
so please stay here,
I missed out on my
lunch.
Why do you harm the
guests that stay?
I do not think it
right
that any guest
beneath your roof
does not survive the
night.
Have you ever
thought that this
is not the way to
live?
Do not take from
everyone.
Why not learn to
give?
You seem a very
pleasant chap
with wealth and
rugged looks.
I know that you are
clever too:
I’ve noticed all
your books.
Give up your life of
drinking blood.
No need to cause a
scene.
Why not join
‘Friends of the Earth’?
Come on – become a
Green!
I can’t just change
my way of life.
You must have lost
your mind!
Is there any vampire
you have heard of
that is kind?
You know I have a
way of life
I’m really pleased,
this is good news!
Towards my views
you’re tending.
I can see that this
short tale
could have a happy
ending.
I think I will
return these teeth.
From biting I will
rest.
For now I know for
certain
fresh vegetables are
best.
People came from
miles around.
They travelled from
afar
to meet this
vegetarian,
the good Count
Dracula.
The Count, of
course, has changed his life;
it’s plain for all
to see.
He says, when
offered some red meat,
“Fangs for the
memory”.
|
